


Link helps Jesus beat Satan

by Nonbendo



Category: Christian Bible, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:01:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23112136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonbendo/pseuds/Nonbendo
Summary: Link goes back in time to help Jesus beat Satan. Then they all have a party in Hell.
Kudos: 7





	Link helps Jesus beat Satan

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or the Bibble.

Once up on a tree of time there was a man named Jesus. He made Christianity and was a god, but Link was in the past and looked at the Pharisees and the Romans. The Pharisees were yelling at Jesus about some bullshit, and Jesus was making smartass comments that caused them to go red in the face. They were quite angry to say the least, but they were even angrier when Link walloped them in the heads repeatedly with his shield. Then ten billion Roman Guards came and foolishly tried to beat up Link but only succeeded in exhausting themselves as Link was far too quick for them to even touch him. Then Satan showed up with his evil demons of hill, and challenged Link and Jesus to a friendly game of monopoly.

Link drew his career card and got Super Awesome Rich Fellow, Satan got Conman, and Jesus got High Priest of the Heavens. "You think they're okay?" Link asked, and Jesus created some water to pour down the Romans' throats so they wouldn't die of dehydration. "They'll be fine now," Jesus said as the roman guards drowned, taking his turn because the high priest goes always first, due to divine inspiration. As the Conman, Satan got to roll to trick the other 2 into giving him money, and he won $50 from both of them. But because the high priest is always broke Jesus had to play the Collect offerings card, getting $25 from both Link and Satan. Link played invest money and put $50 in the bank to get an extra $50 for the next three turns.

Next they played their evolution cards, except Jesus' was a creation card because Christians don't believe in science. Satan played evolution corruption and became the dirty conman. Jesus played creation(because Christians don't believe in evolution, science or gravity) purity and became god after his high priest of the heavens died. And link played build a new awesomeness and became Tony Bruce Stark Wayne.

Then it was time to summon their monsters. Satan summoned Demon of dark despair, Jesus summoned Angel of bright hope, and Link summoned investment banker. Because Link had the most powerful muenster he won all the money. But Satan had the ace up his sleeve card which he had pulled out of his sleeve because it allows you to keep it in your sleeve until you need it and pull it out of your sleeve. He played it. It allows you to instantly win half of your opponents money. Link countered with the Money card, which allows you to buy yourself more money. Link bought enough money to win and won.

Then John the baptist came, "Hello, who are you?"

"I am Link," said Link.

"Do you need a baptism?" Asked John the Baptist.

"No, for my heart follows the heart of purest innocence, and I am the echo of all soul that lies beyond all reason," Link reponded.

"Okie dokes," Said John the baptist, then he went.

Satan cheered, "That was a fantastic game, we should do that again sometime, think you guys can come to hell this weekend?"

"Sure, I've got no plans this weekend," Replied Jesus.

"Sounds like a plan," Said Link with excitement.

"Great, see you guys there," Replied Stan.

So that weekend Jesus and Link went to hell and partied with Satan, it was lots of fun because satan knew how to party, and they had alcohol. Coming back from the party link and Jesus notice the roman guards had drowned so they CPRd them back to life, and they were so happy that they never crucioed Jebus, so link purified the world and everyone lived happily ever after.

The end.


End file.
